Day 123

I don't know how to get this straight. Sometimes it hurts a little, sometimes it don't. The scars are still there, untouch. It gets hurt when there's a thing reminding me of those painful yet one of the best memories I've ever had. We don't miss the people, but we miss the memories actually. 

Every single day, I spend my time trying to find things to keep me busy or find other things to think of instead of sitting alone and contemplating about those useless memories. I swear there are days I almost lost myself, drowning in those ocenic memories. There are also days that I was very happy with supportive people around me until I almost forgot that I was hurting at the moment. 

Yes. I guess that was my mistake all this time. I was too busy trying to chase the one who wasn't even there and left me when I needed someone the most around me until I forgot the people who were there at my lowest, giving countless supports to me.

Not gonna lie, I did cry my eyeballs out until I feel numb, barely can open my eyes, lost my voice, until I became mentally and physically weak.

But that was when I didn't know better. Now that I've realized my worth, I don't beg for people's love and affection anymore bcs they've never saw my effort, they don't even know to appreaciate it. I'm just gonna appreciate the one who sees my efforts, the one who has always been there at my lowest.

Also I gotta start to accept His plan bcs ofc He let everything happened for a reason. He knows better, what's best for me then why would I go against His better plan? Did istikharah and I'm glad He showed me the answer to my confusion right away.

I'm glad that I found myself again while I was trying to find Him. Maybe what happened was a lesson for me to find my way back to Him. Gotta learn that whatever happen in life, happen for a reason. I'm just going to sit here and trusting His plan bcs He already planned it beautifully ❤️