Day 131

Not gonna lie. Im weak, I need someone to hold me, hug me and tell me that everythings gonna be okay. I cant lie no more, I cant lie by acting that Im strong. Im tired of acting.

Ya Allah please teach me how to have redhah with your plan. Teach me how to be strong. Show me the sweetness of sabar. Tell me that good things awaits me after all this test bcs I cant take it no more.

Im weak without you Ya Rabb. Youre the only one who knows my pain that Ive been hiding from everyone. The pain that doesnt seem to have an end. Pain that makes me realize how big Your power is. He can take away things youll never imagine losing. I know Youll replace it with 'something' even better one day and I cant wait for that day to come.

Please give me the strength that Ive been searching for all this while. Im tired of pretending that I have the strenght to face the test Youve given me. Out of it, I know that "la yukalifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha" which is 'Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear'. How beautiful isnt? No matter how big you thought your test are, it is never something that is beyond that you can bear.

Maybe I just have to be patience with His test right now, maybe He wants me to get closer to Him and as for His help and guidance. Yes, I know your plans are much better than mine. Im just gonna pray as much as I can to Him bcs He's the only one I have left ❤️